My Macaroni Grill Experience

Most people don't realize that when I started working at Romanos Macaroni Grill in 2012 that I was dealing with sever depression. It was only a few months after my brother's death and everything was still fresh in my mind. 

I was hired on the spot by both managers. They had just lost their general manager and the restaurant was going through a turn around period. I started out as a host with the plan that I would eventually be planned to be trained as a server. Everyone was very welcoming right from the start. 

There has always been a sense of family in the work space. Even with the high turn over rate, there was always a core group that stuck around. 

I believe it was Socrates who first asked "what's in the blackboard soup?"

I used the workplace as my distraction for the summer of 2012, and it rolled over to fall, and then to winter. I worked as much as I could to keep distracted from the things that haunted me in my every day life. I could go to Mac Grill and see the amazing people I worked with and get to have fun with them while making money.

It's rare that you have managers in a restaurant who genuinely care about the servers making lots of money. Our managers would do whatever they could to make sure we were making as much money as possible.  It's so hard to find that in any business. I won't find that anywhere else...

More times the restaurant was chaos; people were screaming at each other; dishes would run out; someone would be crying in dry storage; someone else would be shoveling a Caesar salad down her throat with her hands; but despite all the ridiculousness, it was our home. It was where our family came together for work, food, and to just hang out and talk. 

On a daily basis I'd right my name on a table upside down and backwards, and the people sitting would ask, "How long did it take you to learn to do that?" I'd always say "oh I practiced for weeks up at the host stand before I started serving. Every day I'd stand up there and right upside down," but really I learned my first day there. I wanted to be a server there from the instant I walked in.

Yesterday I walked through those doors for the last time, and it killed me a little bit. I've spent the past three years working in the restaurant with my work family. And to have that all go away in one day.. It's just still so much to take in. 

I know that things will eventually get better, but most people don't understand. It's not just about losing my job. It's about losing the family that I spent so much of my time with these past three years. A group of people that have no idea how much they helped me in their own little ways. 

Maybe one day I'll work with some of them again. I would be honored to have the opportunity. 

#86MacGrill

My Blog in 2014

Well, I've learned that I shouldn't drink and blog. I'll keep that in mind for the future.

“Relationships don’t work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? And then they finally do, and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break.

Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven’t.

Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y’know, in some cultures, a chicken.

You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it’s couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down.

One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it’s right, and they’re real lucky, one of them will say something.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, everytime you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it. “

“All right, fine, Elliot. You wanna know why? You're just like me. You're scared because you feel like you haven't accomplished anything with your life. But instead of running a triathlon, you're pushing forward with a guy you don't belong with. And you know as well as I do, one of these days he's gonna open up a bottle of white wine for you when you really prefer red, except you never told him that; and you wanna know why? It's because he's not right for you, Elliot. Are you happy now?“

“I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You’d never know it, but there’s most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way. Maybe because you’re feeling abandoned. Maybe because you realize that you aren’t as self-sufficient as you thought. Maybe because you know you should’ve handled something differently. Or maybe because you aren’t as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity…Or you can suck it up. It’s your call.”

I love that I'm 22 years old, and I still live my life through lessons I learned watching Scrubs. I don't think I'll ever grow out of that show haha, but then I'd never want to.

There are always so many things changing in my life all the time. Chaos is 80% of my every day life, and I like leaving things up to circumstance and chance, but where has that gotten me lately?

I feel like this spring, I'm exactly where I was last Spring, and I'm not okay with that.

I like all my classes, that isn't the issue. I just find myself in another ACMO musical, working at Mac Grill, and seeing the same faces day in and day out.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about these things. I love my cast and show. I love my job and work friends, and I don't know where I'd be without my friends, but I need something else.
I feel like Belle in the beginning of Beauty and the Beast, wanting adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want to go on a roadtrip with two friends and just be alive in the world with no cares one more time before I'm forced to grow up, graduate, and begin the long process of becoming an adult.

Ive never wanted to grow up. If there were a Neverland, I'd be there in a heart beat, but lately it's becoming more apparent that I'm going to have to soon. Pretty soon everyone from my freshman group of friends will have Graduated, and I'll still be here. I don't like telling people that I failed a year of college. Then I have to get into the explanations of everything, and they just look at me with that face full of pity, and they don't know what to say.

Should I have gotten help when I needed it? Yes. Was in the right state if mind to know that? No.

That's in the past though. I've moved on since then, and have been doing better and better in my classes every semester. It's still hard. The motivation isn't there like it used to be, but Im sure it'll be back once it comes down to Crunch Time.


My opinions are ever changing. Especially so when it comes to love. I think my problem has always been that I try to hard to understand it and how it works, when really we can't. We can't determine what Love even really is, just that we feel it and it can be powerful. Anytime I ask someone their definition of love, it's a different answer. For awhile, I thought I had it all figured out, and who knows.. maybe I did at one point, but life throws too many curve balls, and one decision impacts another. Things, opinions, and people change. I just know that I've got a lot of reflecting to do in the future.

As for now, I'm ready to change things up. Here's to more blogs in the future once I start figuring things out again. =]

My Life is Ever Changing

I can't quite figure out what is going on right now, and why my life is so confusing all of a sudden. It's like something had to happen because everything seemed so easy for a minute threre. It's just that point in the year I guess.. A billion things are happening at once.. And my head is starting to spin.

I need to take a step back and just breathe because I know that if I just get back I to e rig kind set, everything will work out the way it is supposed to. Life is ever changing chaos, and we can't get lost in it.

This past weekend, I was involved in a production called Despite These Marks, a devised theater piece about HIV, AIDS, and the stigma surrounding them. I played a real person, friend of my friend who I actually got to meet. Everything I said, everything everyone said was from a real person, either a person living eight the virus, people who speak against the virus, and advocates for HIV positive individuals. 

It was an eye opening experience, especially getting to know some of horse people and hear their stories. 

I want to stay involved in this project, and I hope it really does go somewhere. It's really great to have been a part of something so moving and to work with such talented individuals.

Fall Showcase is coming up slowly but surely and I'm really excited to see how everything comes together. I really do enjoy being on the production side of this. I hope that I can just keep the energy up and keep everyone on track. I know Kat and Jenn appreciate what I do. I just hope the cast does too. Haha, I'm sure to some of them it just seems like I'm walking around to make sure they aren't on their phones.. Which is definitely part of it.

Here's to a successful show!

My Sitcom Fantasy

I often wish there was a way to turn my life into a sitcom. I don't mean create a sitcom based off of my life, although that would be wonderful too. I mean literally turn my life into a sitcom. I'd have a writing staff and everything, and even though encounter hardships and real world pain, I would still be able to find something to always laugh about.

There would ample foreshadowing and reoccurring plot points.. I'd be Ted or Ross or Sam or Jd or any of those twenty-something male leads who is just living his life day by day. I'd have a Robin or a Rachel or a Dianne or an Elliot, and even though we wouldn't have an actual relationship, everything would work out in the end, and id always have that person there. 

I guess I could create a sitcom based on my life, but it wouldn't be the same as living it. I want to learn a life lesson every day through a series of circumstances beyond my control. Granted, I do learn life lessons due to reasons beyond my control on a regular basis, but they aren't situational comedies, they're real events and its hard to find humor in that.

My Two Years Gone

It’s been a long two years.

So much has changed.

I’ve changed, for what is definitely the better. I’ve grown from my experiences and begun to make peace with my demons. I’m moving forward, and beginning to see what the future holds.

That being said, this year I made my return to the stage in Legally Blonde during the Spring. It wasn’t a leading role like I was used to in the past, but it didn’t matter. I was so happy to just be out on stage in front of a live audience again. I was so lucky to work with such an amazing cast and crew. Words can not fully describe how truly appreciative I am of every single person involved with that show.

A few weeks ago I was also in my first play since You Can’t Take It With You senior year of high school. For me play acting has always been an experience in and of itself. Nothing can truly describe the joy I feel acting in front of people. I was able to distract my friends and make them see only the character, which is all I can hope to accomplish. I truly missed acting, and it is so so good to be back.

This coming fall I will be assistant directing the fall showcase, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so full of ideas and pride for my theater group it is ridiculous. I have faith that this is going to be the best showcase this campus has seen yet.

Shortly after Legally Blonde I wrote a post to my cast and crew on Facebook explaining to them about everything that had happened with Jeremy and the events following. I told them about my depression and failing out of school and how hard it was to keep going every day. I thanked them for showing me what I’m meant to do.. What I was always meant to do. They restored my faith in myself as an actor, and I’m ever grateful. It was nice feeling a part of a theater family again. It was something I missed dearly.

That being said, today is two years since I lost my brother. I still replay the events of that day in my head, starting with getting ready to go see Harry Potter and onward through the nightmare I will never stop reliving. There are moments when I’m driving through my home town still, and the events of that day trickle back in to my mind as the tears swell and wipe them away.
Two days ago Cory Monteith, the actor who played Finn Hudson died at the age of thirty one. He had been struggling with addiction for awhile now, and was in and out of rehab. I wish there were some way I could be there for his friends and family. I know all too well the pain they are going through and wish them all the well. They are in my thoughts. It is terrible to watch someone you know, someone you love suffering from their own demons, drowning their sorrows with addiction.

I’ve changed a lot of my views on the future since everything happened.. I need to live my dreams, and I need to make my name known as an actor. My brother had more faith in my than any other person in my family.. I can’t dishonor him by not sticking to my guns this time.
I want to intern in Disney, and in doing so set up a career path in the Disney company. It’s been my common theme among life goals for years, and I need to set it as my main strive. I know that if I work hard I can accomplish anything I want.

I’m hoping to update more often. I think I need this portion of my life back to. I had been blogging since I was in seventh grade, with this past year being my longest break between posts. I’ll be sure to not let that happen again

It's been almost a year now

There area many nights when I lie in bed sleepless, left to let my thoughts wonder.

Inevitably, my thoughts always drift to that day.. It boggles my mind no matter how much I want to shut out all the memories of that day, they always seems to stay clear.. I remember every moment piece by piece from the waking up that morning, to eventually passing out that night. My heart races, the tears flow, and the memories flood back in waves.

There were so many people here for me and so many people here for me still; yet, I still feel alone.

So many of my friends came to me just to be there with me.. just to be there for me.

Alexa and Beatty barely left my side during that week.. that terrible week.

It's been almost a year now

Why can't I just go one night

My New Plans

It's been awhile since I've written a blog. I've been meaning to for some time now, but it's so hard to put all of my thoughts down into words. So many ideas racing through my head at all times.
So, big things I guess would be that I didn't move back in with my parents for the summer, but instead I'm going to live at Millersville and continue to go to school here in the Fall. About two weeks ago, I had every intention of dropping out college to move away to California, but in a three a day period that all changed. My girlfriend broke up with me, and right after that whole episode I received an email form Financial Aid saying that if I were to file for an appeal, I would be able to get it. So I packed up and moved back down. Honestly, it was the best decision I could have made. I didn't want to stay stay at home by myself every night feeling miserable and alone. At least here I'll have my friends to get me by.
It's weird here.. not in a bad way though. I have a whole new group of friends here that are totally awesome. There's Shannon, who was the first of them I really met. He's such a great guy, and I love hanging with him. Then there's his girlfriend Kristen. They work really well together, and sperate they're each awesome. She's such a sweet heart. PJ is the token Gay Friend.. He's a lot like Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It's great having a Gay Friend who can't handle me. He's not used to my style of humor, especially when it comes to the gay jokes. There's Abbie, our Canadian friend. She's a fun loving girl. There are more of course, but that's the central group.

It's weird having this new group of friends in some ways.. mostly because none of them really know about everything that's been going on in my life this past year. It's not exactly easy explaining to them that my brother passed away and my dad's in jail. I don't really care though.. I know they're all there for me if and when I need them, and that is what really matters.
It's going to be a different year. I have so many more friends here now, and some who are leaving. I'm going to really miss living with Zach. He's been such a great friend these two years at Millersville. Especially since we've been living together. We spent this past weekend hanging out, and it's just making it harder really. I always have such a great time chilling with him. Especially since Kyle Bailey won't be coming back this year either. It's just going to be so different..
I guess the real reason I'm writing this blog is because of my head being everywhere at once lately. It's always nice when I'm able to write some stuff down. I've still been short blogging on my xanga, but short blogs don't really give a whole lot away.

I've started setting up a plan for the future, and I've started really working towards it. I want to be in Children's entertainment, and I need to find an in. I'm changing my major to Theater, so I can get a degree. My parents would rather I finish school with a degree then drop out and move away to California like I wanted. I'm okay with it too. I really love being down here at Millersville. For awhile, I was really starting to hate it, but it wasn't the school I really hated. I just felt so alone and empty here.
It was hard coming back to school this year.. with everything going on at home and then being thrown back into this school routine, being away from Alexa, it all just added up.. I closed off and stopped talking to almost everyone. It's hard to open up to people when you feel abandoned and lost, but I'm glad to say that I've put that behind me. I love my new group of friends, and even though they don't really know it, they've all helped me so much.
I got a job at a local Restaurant, Romano's Macaroni Grill, as a Host. They've brought me on as a birthday singer and plan on training me to Wait as well. I'm really excited for it; it's been too long since I worked in a restaurant and I had forgotten how much I really love it. I'm excited for that to take off. On my first night, the little girls from the show Dance Mom's came in for Chloe's birthday. After singing Happy Birthday, the girls asked me to sing more. So, I put on an impromptu Katy Perry cover concert for them. Best first day of work ever. I can already tell that I'm going to like it there.
I'm excited for this summer.. It's going to be a lot different then I previously imagined it.