My Winding Road

And I was 17 and you kept on changing
Plans were more complex cause the cop cars
Finally stepped up to bat.


It’s amazing how well Ben Gibbard is able to sum up everything that is me.

I don’t know what’s going to come from all this, and frankly I’m scared. You always said it wasn’t time, and I was beginning to lose hope. So why now?
What makes now any different from three months ago? I’m still exactly the same as I’ve always been, aren’t I?
I’ve been here, waiting, for four years… four long years. So why four years later? My hair is shorter, I’m taller, my skin is clearer, but I’m still me. I’m still Christian Kriebel that hippiesq, sarcastic asshole you can’t help but love.
I just don’t want to be hurt, and that scares me.


There’s a quote from Garden State that describes where I’m at in life right now…

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.

Sam: I still feel at home in my house.

Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is, a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.




That’s where I am right now. I no longer feel at home in my house. This is just where my things are, and where I come to sleep. There’s no real attachment to this house anymore, and I’m ready to move on. I want to go to college, and I want start working in a real job. I want to buy a house and start a family… well maybe not yet, but in the natural progression of life, I want that.

Maybe I’m just over analyzing my life, but I dunno… I just feel ready for more.

My Trip Down the Rabbit Hole

It's been awhile since I've blogged. It's not that I haven't wanted to, I just never really had the time to site and write.
I was working two jobs, Tim's Ugly Mug and Turkey Hill, but I recently quit Turkey Hill.
I've realized that I will never be work at a Deli or any type of fast food service. It's just not the job for me. I need to be moving, I need to work hard, otherwise I feel like I haven't accomplished anything.

I was accepted to Millersville for August of 2010. That was my favorite Christmas Present this year. I've been wanting something like this to happen, something to help turn my life around. I'm ready to get out of this town, out of my parents house. I want to start living like I should. I want to get ready for adulthood; I've been putting it off for too long.
I'm going to school to become an English Teacher, and I want to minor in Theater so I can direct high school plays and musicals in the future.

I thought I had everything figure out for now, but of course something new always comes up.
I'm not complaining; it's just unexpected. I just hope I don't end up heartbroken again. One can only take so much pain.
I don't know what to think. I truly don't. I'm scared, but I know whatever happens to me now will help prepare me for real life.

Which leads me to my next revelation. I've been paying so much attention to Karma recently, and it's paying off. Good things have been happening, and I'm ready for more. I've got to keep sending out these positive energy vibes.