It's been awhile since I've written a blog.. I feel as though maybe that has something to do with everything that's been going on. I can't really stand being me anymore.. as bad as that sounds. I become more miserable as time goes on, and life is getting to be a hassle to deal with. I can't stand this anymore, any of it. I just don't like where I am or where I'm going.. I haven't for awhile. I've been trying to convince myself otherwise, but it's impossible to lie to oneself.
I'm still picking up the pieces from my brother passing away. Everyone told me that it will get better, but it hasn't. Most people probably can't even tell, but I'm not the same person I used to be.. I'm missing pieces, and with everything happening, it's harder to put them together. I'll start to get back on track, and something else will happen. I'm slowly coming to the realization that I've made all the wrongs decisions about college and life, and it's starting to become too late.
I'm starting to revert back to my middle school self, and I don't want that. I don't want to push people away, but I'm in a state of mind where I feel as though no one is able to understand me, and for the most part I'm right. People can say they know exactly what I'm going through, but they don't. I've lost my brother, my dad's in jail, I never get to see the girl I love, and I'm completely and utterly miserable at Millersville anymore.
This isn't the campus that I fell in love with last year. Even my friends are changing; I know I am too, but everything and everyone is different. I'm sick of listening to everyone bitch about each other. There's no point in it. None of them has the balls to confront each other, and they're all acting like a bunch of high school girls with their constant gossiping of each other.
I don't feel at home here anymore.. and I'm slowly starting to come to terms with all of the qualms I faced last semester with this school. I think the best way to describe my situation here is that I'm one of the few people on this campus that actually has balls. I want to do so much more than sit in my room and study.. I'm not saying anything against good study habits, but we're young, and we should live a little. I can't stand the idea of sitting inside all the time with a nose in a book. I'd rather go outside and just fucking be.
I don't know what's going to make me happy at this point, but I know this isn't it.
I'm changing my career choice. I don't want to be a teacher. I'll admit the idea of being a teacher still entices me, but the actual job and all that comes with it is not for me. I'm not a white collar, first shift kind of guy. I want to be creative and entertain, not work off of a guided curriculum that doesn't even teach kids useful information and sucks them of their creativity. That's just not me. I know that now, and I'm done trying to fall in to that category.
I know that Millersville isn't for me anymore. I want something more, and this school isn't cutting it anymore.
I'm still picking up the pieces from my brother passing away. Everyone told me that it will get better, but it hasn't. Most people probably can't even tell, but I'm not the same person I used to be.. I'm missing pieces, and with everything happening, it's harder to put them together. I'll start to get back on track, and something else will happen. I'm slowly coming to the realization that I've made all the wrongs decisions about college and life, and it's starting to become too late.
I'm starting to revert back to my middle school self, and I don't want that. I don't want to push people away, but I'm in a state of mind where I feel as though no one is able to understand me, and for the most part I'm right. People can say they know exactly what I'm going through, but they don't. I've lost my brother, my dad's in jail, I never get to see the girl I love, and I'm completely and utterly miserable at Millersville anymore.
This isn't the campus that I fell in love with last year. Even my friends are changing; I know I am too, but everything and everyone is different. I'm sick of listening to everyone bitch about each other. There's no point in it. None of them has the balls to confront each other, and they're all acting like a bunch of high school girls with their constant gossiping of each other.
I don't feel at home here anymore.. and I'm slowly starting to come to terms with all of the qualms I faced last semester with this school. I think the best way to describe my situation here is that I'm one of the few people on this campus that actually has balls. I want to do so much more than sit in my room and study.. I'm not saying anything against good study habits, but we're young, and we should live a little. I can't stand the idea of sitting inside all the time with a nose in a book. I'd rather go outside and just fucking be.
I don't know what's going to make me happy at this point, but I know this isn't it.
I'm changing my career choice. I don't want to be a teacher. I'll admit the idea of being a teacher still entices me, but the actual job and all that comes with it is not for me. I'm not a white collar, first shift kind of guy. I want to be creative and entertain, not work off of a guided curriculum that doesn't even teach kids useful information and sucks them of their creativity. That's just not me. I know that now, and I'm done trying to fall in to that category.
I know that Millersville isn't for me anymore. I want something more, and this school isn't cutting it anymore.
