My New Life

It's been awhile since I've written a blog.. I feel as though maybe that has something to do with everything that's been going on. I can't really stand being me anymore.. as bad as that sounds. I become more miserable as time goes on, and life is getting to be a hassle to deal with. I can't stand this anymore, any of it. I just don't like where I am or where I'm going.. I haven't for awhile. I've been trying to convince myself otherwise, but it's impossible to lie to oneself.
I'm still picking up the pieces from my brother passing away. Everyone told me that it will get better, but it hasn't. Most people probably can't even tell, but I'm not the same person I used to be.. I'm missing pieces, and with everything happening, it's harder to put them together. I'll start to get back on track, and something else will happen. I'm slowly coming to the realization that I've made all the wrongs decisions about college and life, and it's starting to become too late.
I'm starting to revert back to my middle school self, and I don't want that. I don't want to push people away, but I'm in a state of mind where I feel as though no one is able to understand me, and for the most part I'm right. People can say they know exactly what I'm going through, but they don't. I've lost my brother, my dad's in jail, I never get to see the girl I love, and I'm completely and utterly miserable at Millersville anymore.
This isn't the campus that I fell in love with last year. Even my friends are changing; I know I am too, but everything and everyone is different. I'm sick of listening to everyone bitch about each other. There's no point in it. None of them has the balls to confront each other, and they're all acting like a bunch of high school girls with their constant gossiping of each other.
I don't feel at home here anymore.. and I'm slowly starting to come to terms with all of the qualms I faced last semester with this school. I think the best way to describe my situation here is that I'm one of the few people on this campus that actually has balls. I want to do so much more than sit in my room and study.. I'm not saying anything against good study habits, but we're young, and we should live a little. I can't stand the idea of sitting inside all the time with a nose in a book. I'd rather go outside and just fucking be.
I don't know what's going to make me happy at this point, but I know this isn't it.
I'm changing my career choice. I don't want to be a teacher. I'll admit the idea of being a teacher still entices me, but the actual job and all that comes with it is not for me. I'm not a white collar, first shift kind of guy. I want to be creative and entertain, not work off of a guided curriculum that doesn't even teach kids useful information and sucks them of their creativity. That's just not me. I know that now, and I'm done trying to fall in to that category.
I know that Millersville isn't for me anymore. I want something more, and this school isn't cutting it anymore. 

My Oldest Brother

Friday July 15^th, I woke up like it was any other morning. Brooks had spent the night, and we were waiting for Beatty to come over. We were sitting outside drinking our coffee when my mom came down. She comes down to our cubby to talk to me all the time, but this time was different. Those words will be forever imprinted in my memory. “Your brother is in the hospital. He's been unresponsive since last night.”

My heart sank. I put my coffee down and angrily said “What the fuck did he do?”

My mom told me she didn't know and walked away.

Brooks and I sat, talked, and then..

I heard crying. My sister and my mom crying. I walked upstairs. I already knew what I was about to hear at this point.
The tears were already there.

It's not something I'll ever want to relieve again.
I'll never see him again; never hear his voice.

If it wasn't for everyone being there for me, I honestly don't know what I would have done. Nick drove home from Washington. Kyle Beatty was over at my house every day, and was always willing to run out and get something for my parents, Jason, Alex, and Me. He spent nearly 300$ on liquor for my family in five days.
Alexa..
Let me just reiterate how much I love that girl. She was just there for me. Every day. She's so amazing.

People who stopped by, people who came to the viewing to support me, all of the wonderful people who came to support my parents, brother, and sister, everyone was just so amazing. I can't thank everyone enough for their support.

My brother had a lot of demons in his life. He's at peace now. Though, we'll all miss him.. we have a lot of good memories to look back on.

The Ones Who Love Us Never Really Leave Us

My New Summer

I know, it's been awhile.

Let me start by saying that I have been planning to write a new update for awhile now, but things have been hectic. This one is looking to be a long one.

Alright, so first thing is first. I finished my first semester at MU over a month ago. Strange, I know. Considering the majority of the blogs I write on here are pre MU, one might think that a large portion of my MU life should be documented on here. Well, sorry but no. I will say that I am incredibly proud to be the new president of the Marauder Men's Glee Club, but if you want to know about my MU life please check my tumblr video blogs.

This starts me on one of many new endeavors for next year. I'm considering taking my 1.21 Gigawatts Radio show and rolling over in to the internet. I'm considering an online talk show. I've got the equipment and the means to do so. Why not?
Anyway, I finished out the year with all my limbs, so I did something write. It sucks not getting to see that group of friends all the time, but hey, I've got a good group here. It's been nice getting to chill with my home group. A lot of changes going on here. Nick's off in DC working for Senator Kerry, James is in Iraq, and Mike is up at State College for an internship. It's strange not having at least one of the three here, but I've adjusted I guess.

Michael is balls deep in his new relationship. I don't like how incredibly whipped and antisocial he's slowly becoming because of it, but whatever makes him happy. It'd just be nice if he'd stick around for more than twenty minutes at a time.

I had the pleasure of talking with James for a bit the other day. It was nice catching up, and just hearing his voice for once, instead of reading what he writes on Facebook. I can't wait till he gets back here and we can get him all liquored up. That boy is in desperate need of a party.

I started working for my dad this summer. It was a little bit of an adjustment at first, but I'm good now. It's nice to get to spend some time with my dad and Jason every day. I know they appreciate it too. I guess he doubted my work ethic at first, but that changed pretty quick. He has me sub out with Mike Ellis every so often, so I'm learning how to tear out and install windows too. It's pretty good work, and I get paid pretty well for it. It should hold me over until school.

Alright, so the girlfriend. This is probably the one that all three of my readers will be interested in. I guess I should start with the drama of last summer.

So, last summer there was an incident where I made out with Rachel, Nick's Ex. Now, I was drunk, and really didn't think it all through. She said to keep my mouth shut about it, and I did. So, she went around and told Nick. Now, honestly I just didn't know what to do. I felt terribly about it, and with everything else that was going on, all it did was add to the drama. Everything calmed down after that, but it still was an unpleasant end to summer.
So, this summer, Nick starts bringing Rachel's little sister Alexa around. She's essentially Nick's little sister too. Well, Alexa and I have always had a flirtatious past; I think so anyway. I've had some really nice talks with her before, and I've always had a lot of respect for her. Plus, she's totally beautiful.

So, Alexa and I start hanging out more. That leads to us talking a lot more, especially outside of hanging with Nick. We started hanging by ourselves, and it was obvious we liked each other. Now, I wasn't going to not act on these feelings.. I mean, I like the girl, and that's rare for me.
She and I talked about it, and she talked to Nick first. I don't know what she said., but knowing her it was something along the lines of “We're going to see each other, get over it.”

So yeah, now we're dating. I like it. I really like her, and so far so do all of my friends.

So next comes Beach Weekend. First of all, you all know about my Senior Week and Beach Week the next year. So, Beach Weekend both of those crammed in to three days. Although, three days turned in to four.

Anyway, Ocean City at the same house for a weekend. More alcohol, more friends, and me and my girlfriend. I was ecstatic. From the moments I remember: Brooks fucking hates Sea Turtles, the beach in the pouring rain is awesome, and my girlfriend is really awesome at taking care of drunk people.

I will point out one big thing that has my girlfriend scoring big points with me. When we first got there, Brooks and I emptied our bags all over the bed. I walked back in to find all of my things folded and organized on a shelf. What an awesome girlfriend I have. Seriously.

Anyway, my dad's trial and everything went through, so he had his license taken away. It's weird not having him driving. He's stuck in my shoes now. I feel kind of bad for him, but like I've said before, he broke the law. He starts his weekends in jail July 15^th. It's going to be weird not seeing him on the weekends. He's going to miss all of my Glee Club events because of it. I'll get over it, I guess. It took me forever just to tell my home friends, I don't really know how to talk to my friends at school about it though. Oh well.
Speaking of driving. So, I figured out that if I have someone 21 or older in the passenger seat, I can drive. Well, I have two friends like that. So I'll be able to get back in the habit of driving before I go take my test. Plus, I told Alexa to start riding my ass about it which will help a lot.

Kyle Beatty has been around so much this summer because he and Monica broke up. It's weird because they were together for so long, but whatever. It's nice having him around. Everyone gets along with him.

Alright, I'm done for now.

My Little Sister

I've been wanting to write this blog for some time now, but I just never sat down and wrote it. So, here it goes...

As most people know, this time last year my sister and I didn't speak to each other. Not only did we not get along, we absolutely hated each other to the core. It's strange looking back on that now, but I'm still reminded of it by my friends. James was surprised by it when he came back over winter break. It's just strange to some people how close we are now, compared to where we were last year.

It all started when James and I sat down and had a conversation about it. We talked about how she was, and started to look at things through her eyes. That's sort of when everything clicked. I realized why she acted the way she did, and that she really wasn't all that bad of a person, just a little lost. It didn't help that no one in the family wanted anything to do with her.

So, James and I devised a plan. I had been planning on making brownies that week, and my sister is allergic to peanuts. So, I made a big batch of brownies with peanut butter, and a small batch on the side for her with out any peanut butter added. She walked out as I pulled them out of the oven and asked what they were. I said “they're Nutella brownies with peanut butter.” She looked down and said “oh,” and I pulled out the smaller batch and said “these don't have peanut butter though. They're for you.”

It's amazing how such a small moment can be the turning point in a relationship. She looked up with a sort of “really?” look on her face and just said thank you.

It wasn't until recently that I learned how much she appreciates when people go out of their way to get around her peanut allergy. It made me feel really good.

After that whole ordeal, we just started talking and hanging out. It was nice to not only gain a new friend out of the ordeal, but help improve her life in a way. I know she'd never admit it, but our new friendship definitely made her a happier person. She had someone at home who was nice to her; someone she could talk to. No one in their right mind would have guessed that would be me.

I like it too. I rarely talk to anyone else back home. I only talk with her really. She and I have grown very close in this past year, and it's nice. I love the girl once again, something I haven't been able to say since we were kids. It's just amazing how a little effort on my part went a long way.

Last time I was home, she and I hung out with our friends for a little. I asked her if she wanted to go see Harry Potter with me over the summer. I know she doesn't realize it, but this is a big deal to me. I want to see this with her because not only will it be a great memory for us to look back on, but we're both huge Harry Potter fans and haven't seen a single movie together. It'll be another step forward in our relationship made my a little effort on my part.

My Best Laid Plans

I always hate stealing my blog titles from episodes of Scrubs, but with the first person narrative it's kind of difficult. Scrubs always has great titles which are very reflective of the situations in the episode. This one being a reference to the quote “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”

So in the past month, I've had my heart broken, attempted to get over it by throwing myself at the feet of another girl, only to be turned down; my dog of eleven years died in my arms just before I came back to school, throwing me in to a patch of depression; and I barely have any contact with my best friend. Again, I'm not the type to throw my burdens on other people. We all have our baggage, and these are my problems, not my friends'.

I hate missing you. I really do. I don't want to miss you. After everything we talked about last semester when I started dating Rachel, I thought you would have had the decency to tell me you were seeing someone else, especially after I sent you roses for Valentine's Day. Have some respect for me.

I found a girl that I had an unnatural affection for, but like always, the feeling aren't mutual. Story Of My Life. I hate being this hopeless romantic, I really do. Girls these days don't go for that. They don't want romance. They want physical attention and disrespect. I

It's difficult being mature some times. Most people I'm around are stuck in the high school mindset still. I know I'm a goofball, and I don't always act that serious, but most people would be surprised if they really talked with me. I give credit to my taking a year off after high school. I was able to work full time and learn a lot of responsibilities. Also, the whole traveling to Europe by myself really opened my eyes. I need some time to be alone, time to dwell on my thoughts, sit down, and ask myself “where to next?” I need something... some plan.

I'm not happy with my life right now, but that's probably because I'm in another transition period. The girl I love is in a relationship with someone else, and like so many times before, as hard as I try to deny my feelings for her, I just can't. Then there's the new girl, who I just can't get out of my mind. It really scares me how much I respect this girl. Then again, it's rare that I respect any girl.. no offense.

I think I've realized what exactly I feel that love is. Love is a genuine understanding of another person, and total acceptance of all his or her shortcomings, all of his or her flaws, insecurities, and weaknesses. It's incredibly rare that I can have this total acceptance of another person's shortcomings. Hell, it took me almost 18 years until I was able to come to terms with my own flaws and insecurities.

I tried to make things work with this girl, but to no avail, but hey, that's life. It's not easy, but if it were, it wouldn't be worth my time.

I guess with things not working out the way I had hoped, I find myself at another stopping point. I need to just chill out, regroup, and move forward. I know that not everything is going to work out in my favor, but I just wish it did this time. I'll get over her, even if it's hard. I don't want to mess up our friendship because I've got these feelings floating around.

I just hope this doesn't turn into the situation I was stuck in in High School.. I can't go through that whole ordeal again. I'm not going to be the male best friend who wants nothing more than to be with the girl. I've been there and done that.

Walt Disney's Meet the Robinsons has a good quote to end with.

“Keep Moving Forward.”

My Unquenchable Thirst

I'm finding that now that I'm back at the Freshman Role in society, I'm lacking all of the leadership and power I once had as a senior in high school. There's no denying that I ran shit in high school. I'm a natural leader, it's what I do. I love when I have followers asking me what our next move is.

I've already started planting seeds here, but it's a lot different. I'm taking a different approach to a lot of these things. I hope to get an RA position next year, which will definitely grant me a good group of followers.

I've started spreading my word throughout the radio station, and as of right now I'm doing well. The upperclassmen love me, and the current freshman also love me. I've got my friends on my show, and friends on other shows slowly spreading my ideas and name. The way I look at it, I'll be running that station by Junior Year.

I've also started my attempts to take over the choirs sooner than I did in high school. I feel as though if I would have started singing in choir sooner, I would have had a better shot at obtaining leadership positions. Now, as a freshman in the Glee Club and U Choir, I feel as though I'll be able to spread my reach to the other groups.

Then there's the tree climbing. It's amazing that as soon as we get into a tree we hear, “HEY! The tree people are back!” We are recognized on campus already. People love us. Just with that, my power spreads. I can't wait to see where that one goes.

So this is where my revolution begins I guess.

My Letter to the School Board

Members of the Daniel Boone School Board,

For those of you are unfamiliar with me, I am Christian Kriebel a proud of alumnus of Daniel Boone High School. I will probably best be remembered for my portrayal of the Beast in Disney's Beauty and the Beast, the 2009 Spring musical. That was not my only theatrical portrayal though, I graced the Daniel Boone stage many a time in my four years of high school. Whether it had been in the Fall play, the Spring musical, a choir concert, or Mr. Boone my senior year.

I am writing after hearing the dreadful news of the proposal to cut the extracurricular activities that during my time in high school, I loved so dearly. I ask you to take what I have in to consideration, I've thought long and hard on how to put these thoughts and feelings on the matter in to words.

Being a part of something great makes people great. The friendships and memories that I made during my time in the theater program are what helped shape me into the man I am today. Joining these great activities opened me up to new opportunities beyond that of what the audience sees. The show is only the final product the long process involved in the acting field. The hard work and dedication an actor, singer, or dancer puts in to a show is not always seen by the audience. The time and effort each one of us put in to every show not only helped us perform in the end, but also helped us learn as we went. We learned not only about ourselves, but about each other.

I sit here at my desk, in my dorm, at Millersville University, the first of my family to attend college, the first of my family to go beyond a high school education to further my future. I thank my involvement in theater during high school for that. I had something that I loved doing, acting, singing, and in some occasions, such as the musical and Mr. Boone, dancing.

My involvement in these activities kept me busy during my time there. It kept me away from the pressures of drugs that most fall victim to in their high school years. I had something so much more powerful to keep my mind off of all of those poisons of the out side world. In doing away with these activities, I worry that others will lose that chance to find something so great, something so powerful, and they will fall victim.

These programs changed me for the better, there is no denying that. I learned aspects of hard work and dedication, and the feeling one gets when all of that pays off is like no other. In cutting these programs, you will be robbing other students of their chance to feel this way, the feeling of that rush of adrenaline when they walk out on to stage for the first time to a full house. Most of you have never experienced this on your own, but I assure you that it is a feeling like no other.

These students deserve the opportunity to feel like they are a part of something great, something real. Please do not rob them of this chance.

Sincerely,

Christian N. Kriebel

My Winter Break

So now that break is coming to an end, and my second semester of Millersville is about to begin, I think it's only write that I write a blog.

Overall, I had a very good break. It was great having James back home for those few weeks. It's a shame he was sick his first week back, but he was here, and that's what mattered. I won't see him for a year now. I hate it, but I'll live. He's my best friend, doesn't matter where he is.

It was nice having Mike as a work out buddy this break. I needed to get into the gym as much as possible, and he was always willing to go with me.. except his last day here. It sucked once he left because no one wanted to go.

I got to ring in the new year with Mike for the second year in a row. This time over at his friend's house in Downingtown. It was cool getting to party with his friends from Penn State. I love meeting new people and making a good first impression.

We had a few good party nights at Kyle's and Nick's respective houses. The first one was at Kyles, which wasn't a lot of drinking, it was mainly everyone smoking weed, and me smoking spice. Then we got James drunk at Nick's on two separate occasions. It was my goal this break to get him drunk at least twice, and high as much as possible. Mission succeeded.

I'm a bit upset that I didn't get to spend time with my college friends this break, but things just never worked out. We were supposed to have a rave, but conflicts always arose on the days we wanted it.

Jeremy was living at home again this break, sleeping out in the main basement area on a futon. I'll never let a girl ruin my life the way he does. I just don't understand how he can keep setting himself up to get pissed off and hurt. I guess I shouldn't say anything, since I've been chasing the same girl since Freshman year of high school. Haha

This past week I spent most of my time in bed. I wasn't happy about that, but it gave me time to just relax before school. I didn't do much of anything, other than watch a few movies and some Dragon Ball Z. Last night I finished out my home reign with Bill, Nick, Brooks, Tanesha, and Kyle over Kyle's apartment. Delicious Fourloko and shotgunning beers.

I'm ready to go back to school and see what this semester brings.

My New Year

So this is the new year.
And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance

It's common practice for everyone to make a New Year's Resolution and then not really follow through with it. I usually just make a bullshit one, and then proceed to not follow through, but this year I think I'll change that.

I wasn't very happy with 2010. It was not a very good year to me. I do admit that I've changed, both physically and mentally, this past year more than any previous year. My appearance is much, much different. I started this summer at 163lbs, and as of today I weigh 198.5lbs. I go to the gym on a regular basis, and I just feel healthy.

If it hadn't been for James's preparing for the army this summer, then I would have never gone in to the gym, and I would still be skin and bones.

For the first time, I went through a period with out my best friend by my side. I made new friends at school, but non of them match up to James.

I've had a relationship for the first time since 2009; boy, was that a mistake. I need to make sure to stick to my guns this year. There really is only one girl in this world for me, but I have to wait. It sucks, but the wait is worth it. Definitely worth it.

With my probation coming to an end, I'll get to have a little more of my old freedoms back. I'll be able to indulge in my old pleasure, which I hope will bring me back to my old self a little bit. Looking back at where I was at this point last year, it's just such an amazing change. I just have to make sure I stick with my college career the way I am. I can't get lazy on it. As a wise man once said, “this is real life.”

There's no turning back from here
I've got to get away from everyone who's left
Everyone who's left
I'll tell the saddest story
Of how we made it through this past year

So, that being said my New Years Resolution is to do whatever it takes to make sure that I am happy with my life.

I know that may sound a little cliché, but this past year was awful for me, and there were plenty of times where I was just completely unhappy with my life. It's time I started being a little selfish. I usually try to make sure I can do my best to make others happy, but I need to put a hold on that. I'll still do my best to make others happy, but I need to put myself first, and that's just what I'm going to do.

Goodbye 2010, you were a miserable year. 2011, let's do this shit.

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back.