My Life is Ever Changing

I can't quite figure out what is going on right now, and why my life is so confusing all of a sudden. It's like something had to happen because everything seemed so easy for a minute threre. It's just that point in the year I guess.. A billion things are happening at once.. And my head is starting to spin.

I need to take a step back and just breathe because I know that if I just get back I to e rig kind set, everything will work out the way it is supposed to. Life is ever changing chaos, and we can't get lost in it.

This past weekend, I was involved in a production called Despite These Marks, a devised theater piece about HIV, AIDS, and the stigma surrounding them. I played a real person, friend of my friend who I actually got to meet. Everything I said, everything everyone said was from a real person, either a person living eight the virus, people who speak against the virus, and advocates for HIV positive individuals. 

It was an eye opening experience, especially getting to know some of horse people and hear their stories. 

I want to stay involved in this project, and I hope it really does go somewhere. It's really great to have been a part of something so moving and to work with such talented individuals.

Fall Showcase is coming up slowly but surely and I'm really excited to see how everything comes together. I really do enjoy being on the production side of this. I hope that I can just keep the energy up and keep everyone on track. I know Kat and Jenn appreciate what I do. I just hope the cast does too. Haha, I'm sure to some of them it just seems like I'm walking around to make sure they aren't on their phones.. Which is definitely part of it.

Here's to a successful show!

My Sitcom Fantasy

I often wish there was a way to turn my life into a sitcom. I don't mean create a sitcom based off of my life, although that would be wonderful too. I mean literally turn my life into a sitcom. I'd have a writing staff and everything, and even though encounter hardships and real world pain, I would still be able to find something to always laugh about.

There would ample foreshadowing and reoccurring plot points.. I'd be Ted or Ross or Sam or Jd or any of those twenty-something male leads who is just living his life day by day. I'd have a Robin or a Rachel or a Dianne or an Elliot, and even though we wouldn't have an actual relationship, everything would work out in the end, and id always have that person there. 

I guess I could create a sitcom based on my life, but it wouldn't be the same as living it. I want to learn a life lesson every day through a series of circumstances beyond my control. Granted, I do learn life lessons due to reasons beyond my control on a regular basis, but they aren't situational comedies, they're real events and its hard to find humor in that.

My Two Years Gone

It’s been a long two years.

So much has changed.

I’ve changed, for what is definitely the better. I’ve grown from my experiences and begun to make peace with my demons. I’m moving forward, and beginning to see what the future holds.

That being said, this year I made my return to the stage in Legally Blonde during the Spring. It wasn’t a leading role like I was used to in the past, but it didn’t matter. I was so happy to just be out on stage in front of a live audience again. I was so lucky to work with such an amazing cast and crew. Words can not fully describe how truly appreciative I am of every single person involved with that show.

A few weeks ago I was also in my first play since You Can’t Take It With You senior year of high school. For me play acting has always been an experience in and of itself. Nothing can truly describe the joy I feel acting in front of people. I was able to distract my friends and make them see only the character, which is all I can hope to accomplish. I truly missed acting, and it is so so good to be back.

This coming fall I will be assistant directing the fall showcase, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so full of ideas and pride for my theater group it is ridiculous. I have faith that this is going to be the best showcase this campus has seen yet.

Shortly after Legally Blonde I wrote a post to my cast and crew on Facebook explaining to them about everything that had happened with Jeremy and the events following. I told them about my depression and failing out of school and how hard it was to keep going every day. I thanked them for showing me what I’m meant to do.. What I was always meant to do. They restored my faith in myself as an actor, and I’m ever grateful. It was nice feeling a part of a theater family again. It was something I missed dearly.

That being said, today is two years since I lost my brother. I still replay the events of that day in my head, starting with getting ready to go see Harry Potter and onward through the nightmare I will never stop reliving. There are moments when I’m driving through my home town still, and the events of that day trickle back in to my mind as the tears swell and wipe them away.
Two days ago Cory Monteith, the actor who played Finn Hudson died at the age of thirty one. He had been struggling with addiction for awhile now, and was in and out of rehab. I wish there were some way I could be there for his friends and family. I know all too well the pain they are going through and wish them all the well. They are in my thoughts. It is terrible to watch someone you know, someone you love suffering from their own demons, drowning their sorrows with addiction.

I’ve changed a lot of my views on the future since everything happened.. I need to live my dreams, and I need to make my name known as an actor. My brother had more faith in my than any other person in my family.. I can’t dishonor him by not sticking to my guns this time.
I want to intern in Disney, and in doing so set up a career path in the Disney company. It’s been my common theme among life goals for years, and I need to set it as my main strive. I know that if I work hard I can accomplish anything I want.

I’m hoping to update more often. I think I need this portion of my life back to. I had been blogging since I was in seventh grade, with this past year being my longest break between posts. I’ll be sure to not let that happen again