I always hate stealing my blog titles from episodes of Scrubs, but with the first person narrative it's kind of difficult. Scrubs always has great titles which are very reflective of the situations in the episode. This one being a reference to the quote “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
So in the past month, I've had my heart broken, attempted to get over it by throwing myself at the feet of another girl, only to be turned down; my dog of eleven years died in my arms just before I came back to school, throwing me in to a patch of depression; and I barely have any contact with my best friend. Again, I'm not the type to throw my burdens on other people. We all have our baggage, and these are my problems, not my friends'.
I hate missing you. I really do. I don't want to miss you. After everything we talked about last semester when I started dating Rachel, I thought you would have had the decency to tell me you were seeing someone else, especially after I sent you roses for Valentine's Day. Have some respect for me.
I found a girl that I had an unnatural affection for, but like always, the feeling aren't mutual. Story Of My Life. I hate being this hopeless romantic, I really do. Girls these days don't go for that. They don't want romance. They want physical attention and disrespect. I
It's difficult being mature some times. Most people I'm around are stuck in the high school mindset still. I know I'm a goofball, and I don't always act that serious, but most people would be surprised if they really talked with me. I give credit to my taking a year off after high school. I was able to work full time and learn a lot of responsibilities. Also, the whole traveling to Europe by myself really opened my eyes. I need some time to be alone, time to dwell on my thoughts, sit down, and ask myself “where to next?” I need something... some plan.
I'm not happy with my life right now, but that's probably because I'm in another transition period. The girl I love is in a relationship with someone else, and like so many times before, as hard as I try to deny my feelings for her, I just can't. Then there's the new girl, who I just can't get out of my mind. It really scares me how much I respect this girl. Then again, it's rare that I respect any girl.. no offense.
I think I've realized what exactly I feel that love is. Love is a genuine understanding of another person, and total acceptance of all his or her shortcomings, all of his or her flaws, insecurities, and weaknesses. It's incredibly rare that I can have this total acceptance of another person's shortcomings. Hell, it took me almost 18 years until I was able to come to terms with my own flaws and insecurities.
I tried to make things work with this girl, but to no avail, but hey, that's life. It's not easy, but if it were, it wouldn't be worth my time.
I guess with things not working out the way I had hoped, I find myself at another stopping point. I need to just chill out, regroup, and move forward. I know that not everything is going to work out in my favor, but I just wish it did this time. I'll get over her, even if it's hard. I don't want to mess up our friendship because I've got these feelings floating around.
I just hope this doesn't turn into the situation I was stuck in in High School.. I can't go through that whole ordeal again. I'm not going to be the male best friend who wants nothing more than to be with the girl. I've been there and done that.
Walt Disney's Meet the Robinsons has a good quote to end with.
“Keep Moving Forward.”
