My Trip Down the Rabbit Hole

It's been awhile since I've blogged. It's not that I haven't wanted to, I just never really had the time to site and write.
I was working two jobs, Tim's Ugly Mug and Turkey Hill, but I recently quit Turkey Hill.
I've realized that I will never be work at a Deli or any type of fast food service. It's just not the job for me. I need to be moving, I need to work hard, otherwise I feel like I haven't accomplished anything.

I was accepted to Millersville for August of 2010. That was my favorite Christmas Present this year. I've been wanting something like this to happen, something to help turn my life around. I'm ready to get out of this town, out of my parents house. I want to start living like I should. I want to get ready for adulthood; I've been putting it off for too long.
I'm going to school to become an English Teacher, and I want to minor in Theater so I can direct high school plays and musicals in the future.

I thought I had everything figure out for now, but of course something new always comes up.
I'm not complaining; it's just unexpected. I just hope I don't end up heartbroken again. One can only take so much pain.
I don't know what to think. I truly don't. I'm scared, but I know whatever happens to me now will help prepare me for real life.

Which leads me to my next revelation. I've been paying so much attention to Karma recently, and it's paying off. Good things have been happening, and I'm ready for more. I've got to keep sending out these positive energy vibes.

My New Room--

Today my dad and I tore out my ceiling, spackled the walls, and added new trim. My room has had the same walls, carpet, and ceiling since I was in first grade.
I can't help but notice the symbolism in the remodeling of my bedroom.
I'm changing almost everything about it, starting a new.
My life hasn't been too great lately; I really can't complain, but I know this isn't want I want.
I'm slowly becoming everything I didn't want, but I'm trying hard to change that.

I'm done chasing dreams and living in the past. I'm entering the real world now and starting to act more like a grown up. I'm reconnecting and patching some things up, and I hope it makes me feel better.

I'm trying to avoid a downward spiral and stay optimistic, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I used to wish life was like a dramatic novel, full of passion, drama, and a happy ending. I'm realizing that life is more like a poorly written sitcom and I'm the butt of every joke.

This week things should start to turn around though. I'm changing my environment and hoping it helps lead to more change.


Wish me luck. =]

My Postponement

Alright. Here's the deal:
In the planning of my trip I picked a bunch of places I wanted to see; I neglected to really look at the places though.
I've been in Dublin for three days and I'm already bored.
I'm coming home for like a week, then going to Italy, then coming home.
I'm taking all of my money and putting it into my "money market account" to build up interest, then actually sitting down and planning a real trip.
I really messed up that aspect of my trip. I mean, what the fuck am I going to do in Berlin for a week with hardly any cash?
I'm in no way cancelling my trip; I'm merely postponing it a little. I want to do it with at least one other person, and I want to actually take time and look into places to visit.
I am also going to reduce the time from two months down to one. I've thought about it all day yesterday and came to the conclusion today.
It's not merely the matter of being alone, but really the fact that I'm alone for two months with hardly anything to do.
I want this to be exciting and eye-opening. Unfortunatly I neglected to plan it that way.
I'm going to finish out the week here and treat this as a vacation.
Then on September 18th I'm going to Italy for a week with my mom. So I'm not completely wasting my time with this. I am still taking this all in and appreciating it.
I made the decision myself, and I know I'm going to be glad I did.
I will admit that I was so excited to backpack that I neglected to really plan the trip I wanted. I based my trip around the idea of getting out there, not getting out there and living.

My Jetlag

I've never had jetlag before. It's a new kind of tired.
Not only do I feel drained, but I also feel dazed.
My sense of time is all askew, and I'm can't remember the time difference between here and home.

I'm hoping this will pass.

On a lighter note, I had a safe flight and check in went alright. I showed up four hours too early though. I dropped off my bag and started exploring.
This would have went better if I had slept well, but I made the most of it.
The city is surprisingly small. I've already seen so much.
I found out that my memory card doesn't work, so I'll have to get a new one. I'll probably end up getting two. Then my mom will bring my old one in Italy. That should last me the next few weeks, if I limit myself.

My Hostel does have a computer; I don't know if my next few do.
Feel free to comment my facebook or myspace to get ahold of me.

My Last Week

Well, I guess this is it. I have but a week left here in the United States.
I'm leaving for Dublin Wednesday afternoon, and I still have so much to do.

I need to finish cleaning out my room, say my goodbyes, finish applying for college, get any addresses I didn't get initially, and pack. In writing that doesn't look like a lot, but in reality it's going to take me awhile. Mainly because I hate cleaning and saying goodbye.

If all goes well, I won't be coming back to the US. I'll find a place to call home overseas. I can finally get away. I can start my own life somewhere new.
I just hate leaving all of my friends and family, but this isn't about them. It's about me.

Monday night we went to Riliegh's to watch shooting starts; I saw five. One of them shot right down into the Big Dipper. It was a pretty good night for the most part.
Nickolas graced us with his presence, and then said his final goodbye to us.

I had spent Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday with Michael, and then yesterday he left for Altoona.
Everyone's leaving, including me. I just wish it wasn't so depressing.

I guess I'm just starting to realize that I'm gonna be in Europe next week backpacking from Dublin to Amsterdam.. It's going to be amazing.

I worked my last night at Tim's last night. I'm not going to miss that place so much, but I will miss the people. I've made a lot of friends there, and I'm sure they'll miss me too.

I'm gonna try and update this a few more times before I leave.

My Final Stretch

This is it.

Three weeks left. Three weeks until I'm gone.

I feel like there's a lot I want to get off my chest, but I don't know an appropriate way to do any of it. So much has happened. It's just all so different. I dunno... I try and live my life with no regret, but the truth is that I will always have regrets.

I've spent the past 4 years trying to get you to love me, but after last night I finally realized that it's never gonna turn out the way I want. I've always tried to stay optimistic about it, but really what is the point? I'm just gonna set myself up to get hurt again, and I don't want that.

TV, the movies, greeting cards all give us this false idea of love, but in reality it's not like that at all. You get hurt, you move on, you find someone new, you get hurt again, but you learn from it all. I've learned, finally.

I'm leaving for two months, so maybe things will change. As of right now, I'm not going to look for "love" anymore. I'm just going to live.

If you're reading this, I love you... I'm just done.

My Countdown

41 days and 11 hours left before I leave for Dublin.

Pretty soon I'll be entering the final stretch, and I'm sure most people won't know how to react.
I'm not going to be around for two months. Most of you won't even be able to talk to me. Hopefully I'll make it to a library or two so that I can update my blog or even my facebook.

I'm just getting tired of the same.
I'm ready for this change.

It's like I'm driving down a highway. Everyone just keeps going straight, and I see a random turn up ahead, and I take it without thinking twice. I don't know where it leads, or how long I'll be on it, but I turn without even hesitating.



I sold my soul to the open road
You'll find me in the same spot believe me
I could never stop, my life's turned upside down

Meet me out past the train tracks I'm leavin' and not coming back

You're right and I was wrong
this town will be the downfall of us all.