My Momentary Lapse of Weakness

This was the blog I wrote after my two week hospital stay in September of 2008. Enjoy...

Let's start back say, 4 and a half weeks ago. I was lying in bed and my pulse started racing, at the time I was talking to Felicia Ellis, who is now my girlfriend and thought that she was the reason my pulse was racing...this was NOT the case.
After 2 days of being VERY short of breath and having a lot of chest pain I asked my mom to bring home her stethoscope and listen to my lungs...the prognosis was NOT good. She couldn't hear any air flow in the lower section of my right lung.
Friday morning I went to see the Dr, now my normal Doc was not on that day so I saw Dr Alex Solomon...BAD IDEA NEVER EVER EVER SEE THIS GUY!
He walked into the room and without even listening to my lungs told me I had walking pneumonia and that I just needed antibiotics... here's the part where I get worried.

Five years ago there's this kid who gets diagnosed with Walking Pneumonia, then 3 months later they find out his lung collapsed and he's in the hospital for like a month and fails 8th grade... We know him as Kyle Beatty.

ANYWAY
I have heard Kyle's story about having a collapsed lung, I've heard OVER AND OVER AND OVER with different characters and a guest appearance by Orlando Bloom. I know it is not pleasant..at all.

So I'm like "Are you gonna listen to my lungs?" and the Dr is like "blah blah blah I'm a dick head" and my mom's like "don't you wanna give him a chest X ray?" and he has the nerve to say "That's not going to change my diagnosis."

WHAT THE FUCK!?! That would COMPLETELY change the diagnosis!

Yeah, two weeks go by after the Doctors appointment and I don't feel any pain, then Friday the 29th I wake up gasping for breath...oh yeah I'm fucked.

I got to the ER that afternoon and after 3 hours of waiting they tell me that it's 70% collapsed and they're amazed I'm walking. They take me back into a room and shove a tube into the front of my chest...WHILE IM FUCKING AWAKE!
You know that sound you hear letting the air out of a balloon? That is what came out of my chest.

See the reason my lung deflated was because I had these things called blebs, they're soft bubbles on the lung that pop very easily. Well I had 4 of these and one decided be awesome and pop.

Now imagine you have a lung that is working at 30% then suddenly it re expands to 100% in less than a minute...YOU START TO CHOKE ON YOUR OWN BREATH!

Now okay let me skip a head a few days.

Normally after a tube is put in the hole in the lung will heal itself...Not happening for me. I go see a different surgeon and he puts a new tube in the SIDE of my lung, OUCH OUCH OUCH!@ FUCKING PAINFUL!

I'm loaded on painkillers, I can't leave my bed, I smell like peroxide...I just want to fucking go home.

Guess what else? THAT TUBE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING EITHER!

So they go in with their little tools and CUT OFF a quarter of my lung and staple it shut! Then just for shits and giggles they put a 3rd chest tube in! EVEN MORE PAINFUL!

Now Today they pulled that tube out and quickly plugged the whole with gauze so I'm all good. But it's been 2 fucking weeks and I can hardly walk, I took my first shower today in 2 weeks and had to wear a fucking Plastic Wrap bandage because I couldn't get my dressings wet.

I hate it. I'm so fucking done with injuries, I'm never getting injured again.